whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
