Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
