I hope mine doesn't look like that
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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