I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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