My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ok first of all what the fuck
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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