Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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