After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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