so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
