just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
