i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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