i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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