if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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