I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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