That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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