i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
