I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
