I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
