yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
