i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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