I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
