it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
