forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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