It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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