Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
