I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
