Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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