He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
