Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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