Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
