mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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