the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
