I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize