Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
