Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
