so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
