Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
