No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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