You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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