We're facebook friends in real life
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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