i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize