my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize