The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
