You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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