I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
