nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
