We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
