is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your penis caused this!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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