I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
