oh god the rape fog is back!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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