I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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