my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im holly from the hills drunk
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
