Tell her she can't have a vagina
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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