i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
