I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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