Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
