I can text with my tongue
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
