I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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