HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
