He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This baby is an asshole
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
