i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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