I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ok first of all what the fuck
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
