I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
