remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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