you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
