I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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