The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
