Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize