Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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