i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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