In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
