Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
