two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
