Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize