when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize