i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
