i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
