if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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