She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
