this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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