there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize