If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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