I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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