Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just tell him i said nine months
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
