there's paper in my vomit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
