Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
