I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
