Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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