haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
