dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
