Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
