If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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