last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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