that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
