you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
