We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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