so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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