she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
