I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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