weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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