My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
