i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
