Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
