sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
