Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
