He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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