weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
