trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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